Misha

December 22, 1849

My dear brother, my dear friend Misha,

Everything is decided! I am sentenced to four years of hard labor in a fortress, and then to serve as a private soldier.

Today, December 22, we were taken to the Semyonovsky Square. There the death sentence was read to us all. We were given the cross to kiss, our swords were broken over our heads, and we were dressed in white execution shirts. Then three of us were tied to stakes to carry out the execution.

I was the sixth in line. They called three at a time. Consequently I had only a few minutes left to live. I remembered you, brother, and all yours. During those last minutes only you were in my mind.

At last the retreat was sounded, those tied to the stakes were brought back, and the sentence was read to us that His Majesty grants us life. Then the real sentences were announced.

Brother! I was not despondent and did not lose heart. Life is everywhere, life is within us, not outside. There will be people near me, and to be a man among people and remain one forever, not to become discouraged nor fall in whatever misfortune may come, that is life, that is the task of life.

I realized this truth. This idea entered my flesh and blood.

Yes, life is a gift. Life is happiness. Every minute can be an eternity of happiness.

Si jeunesse savait! If youth but knew!

Now, changing my life, I am being reborn in a new form. Brother! I swear to you that I will not lose hope and will keep my soul and heart pure.

I shall be reborn for the better. That is my whole hope, my whole consolation.

I have not lost courage. Life and freedom are in my heart. Even in prison there will be life.

Remember me to all. Tell them that I love them. Tell them not to grieve for me.

Your brother,

Fyodor