Fatherhood
In the areas my father thrived in his role as a dad, I drew inspiration. Where he stumbled in fatherhood, not from intent but simply from not knowing, I saw those gaps. For my children, I’m determined to fill them.
When I got married, the idea of becoming a father wasn’t immediate. We lived our early marital years as if it would always be just the two of us. However, after five eventful years, filled with highs, lows, and everything in between, we felt a void.
We assumed having a baby would just… happen. And initially, it did. But three months into the joyous news, our unborn child stopped growing. I hadn’t even fully embraced the idea of being a dad, and I was already mourning this life we’d created together.
This early loss, unexpected and heart-wrenching, underlined the fragile beauty of life. It reminded me of the preciousness of my own birth and the lessons my father passed on. If given another chance at parenthood, we pledged never to take it for granted.
Choosing to breathe and not actively chase this dream for a while, we found solace in our favourite place, the mountains. We rented a cabin near our beloved glacial river. On our first night there, we burned the Scrabble board in the wood fireplace, the very one my wife had used to tell me she was pregnant.
The next day, beside the river, we scattered its ashes as a symbol of our release of that chapter. We marked the moment by saying our goodbyes with a farewell poem. At that moment, the clouds briefly parted, and the sun shone through.
Beyond my father’s examples, I was enriched by the stories he’d share about his own father, Gidi Hassan. Just as I never had the chance to meet my grandfather in person, my children came into this world after my father’s passing. Now, I find myself in my father’s shoes, recounting tales of their grandfather to them.
Everyone’s life journey is unique. I am grateful for mine. It’s a story steeped in my father’s teachings. His love has been my compass, and his limitations have shown me areas I can fortify for my own children.
It took confronting the unpredictability of life to realize the depth of my desire to be a dad. Just as we can’t dictate the path a river takes, life’s direction is often out of our hands.
This, to me, captures the essence of fatherhood. I cannot control every move my children make. My role is to imprint them with love and hope that they refine and expand upon my teachings, making fatherhood even more profound with each passing generation.
Thank you for reading. I touch further on this subject, along with many others, in my upcoming book, You’re Already Dead. Coming soon.
