My Father’s Kite
When I was 15 years old, my dad bought me my first discman. As much as he loved Costco, in those days his go-to for electronics was the Future Shop on 137 Ave and 97 St.
I was in grade 8 and had a Walkman, but I only ever used it to listen to my sister’s tapes. It was 2000, and most of those tapes were years old. I had yet to develop my own taste in music.
I wasn’t even expecting him to buy me a CD player, but when I entered Future Shop with him, he asked me if there was anything I wanted. That’s just the type of dad he was. We weren’t spoiled. We had a meagre upbringing. When times were good and he had a little extra cash in his pocket, he always was so generous with us.
So I told him, “Yes, can I have a Sony discman and some CDs?” I don’t know the cost, but I’m sure it wasn’t cheap back then. We grabbed the discman, and I remember him telling me I could buy two CDs as long as there weren’t any swear words in them, haha.
Without even knowing what I was grabbing, I took the album ‘All That You Can’t Leave Behind’ by U2.
Needless to say, that album truly had an impact on me, and I’ve loved it ever since hearing the first note.
Although I believe I have an eclectic taste in music, U2 will always be my favourite band of all time. I had that album on repeat, the discman tucked away in the side pockets of the in-style-at-the-time snowboard cargo pants.
I would walk to and from school and just listen to that album, mostly the song “Kite”. Listening to that song every day, I felt like it was written just for me. I don’t know why. It just resonated in my heart and soul, especially the part where he breaks out in this soaring voice, stating he’s a man, not a child.
Perhaps it’s because, for as long as I can remember, I felt ahead of my time, not in a self-absorbed way, but I always felt older than my years. Even before the universe called upon me at the tender age of 22 to be the breadwinner in my family when dad couldn’t work anymore.
Fast forward a few months, and now at 16, during the summer of 2001, that album was still on repeat. It became the soundtrack to my summer in Lebanon. The summer of 2001 was the last family trip we took. I indeed returned to Lebanon with my dad 10 years later, but this time it was to return him to his ancestral village, as was his last wish.
After his passing, the song “Kite” took on a new meaning for me. Maybe a part of me knew, back then as a 15-year-old, that it was a song about me and my dad. The kite was our life together and apart.
Just as a kite soars freely in the sky, people go through phases in life where they transition, change, and become independent. Kites can be fragile and unpredictable, just like life. With his father’s declining health in mind, Bono might be highlighting the delicate and fleeting nature of human existence. While a kite might fly high and seem distant, it’s still connected by a string. This can represent the enduring bond between loved ones, even when they’re physically or emotionally distant. Holding onto the string of a kite is akin to holding onto a person or memory. There comes a point where one might have to let go, whether it’s a child becoming an adult or saying goodbye to a loved one.
And now, without him, it feels like the kite is adrift.
Just as a kite needs wind to rise and soar, people are often influenced or propelled by external forces, be they circumstances, relationships, or life events. These forces can push us in directions we never expected, help us rise to new heights, or challenge us in unprecedented ways. Wind is unpredictable; it can change direction and intensity suddenly. This can symbolize the unpredictable nature of life itself. No matter how much we might wish to control our circumstances, there are always elements beyond our control.
Flying a kite involves a balance of holding on and letting go, of strength and surrender. The wind represents those moments or forces in life that require us to adapt, to find balance, and to know when to hold on tightly and when to let things take their natural course.
As I write in my upcoming debut book:
…For my dad, honesty involved not only speaking the truth but also embracing the acceptance of one’s role and the ability to seize control over the aspects of our life that we can influence. At the same time, it meant embracing the acceptance of the unpredictable elements that lie beyond our control…
This philosophy parallels the metaphor of the kite in every essence. Just as one maneuvers the string of a kite, navigating its rise and fall, knowing when to pull and when to let go, life too is a blend of steering our destinies while accepting the unforeseen gusts that come our way.
The kite, with its delicate balance of control and surrender, symbolizes the lessons my dad taught me – to hold firm to our beliefs and actions, yet to yield to the unpredictable winds of life with grace and resilience.
A picture of the kite graces the cover of my debut book. Jim took that photo in 2008. Now, 15 years later, I am letting it go.
“…Who’s to say where the wind will take you.”
The first 100 pre-orders will receive a free 4 x 6 print of the kite. My hope is that it will serve as a reminder to the insights in the book and offer a piece of Jim in every home it enters. Click here to purchase.
Thank you for reading and joining me on this journey.
